Especially for me this year, as the momentous occasion of our aliyah has superseded a good portion of my consciousness of time this past year. Much effort and time has been spent on this move; it is not an exaggeration to say it has been a year long process. It isnt over yet, either.
But while the changing from one year to another may feel arbitrary in some aspects, in others it feels concrete, almost as if it imposes itself on daily life; the furtive cry of "Ura yisheinim mishinat'chem" in the shofar blasts its way past the hevlei hazman we get lost in, asserting a measure of reality over the pitiful self contained bubbles we tend to mistake as being real.
Here is to wishing for health, wealth, love, wisdom, knowledge, peace, and growth in all things, for all of Yisrael. And most of all, here is a fervent and heartfelt wish that we all know and renew our commitment to HaShem and the relationship we have with Him.
You saw my pain washed out in the rain
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins
But You saw no fault, no cracks in my heart
And You knelt beside my hope torn apart
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
We'll live a long life
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright
So lead me back, turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace
'Cause You know my call
And we'll share my all
And our children come and they will hear me roar
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright
But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals
And hold me still, bury my heart next to Yours
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright
But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we'll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we'll live a long life
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins
But You saw no fault, no cracks in my heart
And You knelt beside my hope torn apart
But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
We'll live a long life
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright
So lead me back, turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace
'Cause You know my call
And we'll share my all
And our children come and they will hear me roar
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright
But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals
And hold me still, bury my heart next to Yours
So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright
But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we'll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we'll live a long life
("Ghosts that We Knew", Mumford and Sons)
Here is to leaving those ghosts behind, to being lead back from that place, to being able to throw them off a cliff come Yom Kippur; here is to that long life, which all of Yisrael continues to hold on to with all our might. May we all hear HaShem tell us "my child, my beautiful child, I Promise all will be alright."
Of course, preparing (however belatedly) for Rosh HaShana in a Place that is under the watchful and longing Gaze of HaShem [eretz asher tamid einei elokecha ba] is extremely different than elsewhere. It feels different, viscerally so; there is an undercurrent of renewal and of Love in the air that one can almost taste if they look for it. Living in the gaze of your Lover's Eyes is so different than a long distance relationship, after all. <Sorry for another Mumford and Sons reference here, but their music has a wonderful element of Teshuva in it. It is self aware, it is conscious, and it is reflective.>
Well, love was kind for a time
Now just aches and it makes me blind
This mirror holds my eyes too bright
I can't see the others in my life
Were we too young? Our heads too strong?
To bear the weight of these lover's eyes.
'Cause I feel numb, beneath your tongue
Beneath the curse of these lover's eyes.
But do not ask the price I paid,
I must live with my quiet rage,
Tame the ghosts in my head,
That run wild and wish me dead.
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Oh, let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.
'Cause there's no drink or drug I've tried
To rid the curse of these lover's eyes
And I feel numb, beneath your tongue
Your strength just makes me feel less strong
But do not ask the price I paid,
I must live with my quiet rage,
Tame the ghosts in my head,
That run wild and wish me dead.
Should you shake my ash to the wind
Lord, forget all of my sins
Or let me die where I lie
Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, help me on my way.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, I'll be on my way.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, help me on my way.
And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow
Take my hand, I'll be on my way.
("Lover's Eyes", Mumford and Sons)
We do walk slow, it has been over two thousand years and we have not yet fully found our way. And there has been much pain in learning and discovering ourselves and our mission - the price paid has been steep! But we continue to walk, continue to follow in Avraham Avinu's footsteps; Yisrael is they who are "hit'halech lifanai v'heyei tamim".
It is my dream that I, my family, our loved ones, and all of Klal Yisrael, have another year of walking, of learning, of discovering, of growing, of loving, and of Living.
Shana Tova from Jerusalem.
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