Yom Kippur

Lo Hayu Yamim Tovim B'Yisrael K'mo...Yom Kippur.

There is much made of the "Bike Day" phenomenon in Israel. Many feel it is a sad thing, where the richness and beauty of a Day of Cleansing ("atonement" is such a Christian word!) is warped into a "hey, we can ride a bike on the Ayalon backwards!"

Ynet reported a fascinating poll in which something like 3/4 of Israelis reported that they plan to fast this Yom Kippur. Some for some truly weird reasons ("for the challenge of it"), but still, they plan to fast. On one level, the ink spilled lamenting those who do not know is in vain...

But there is something else I want to point out, and to share.
My family took a little trip to Geula, which is a 20 minute bus ride and a journey to another universe. We went to pick up some things friends in the US asked us to bring back for them, and to meet a seminary girl who is a friend of our family.

Walking down Rehov Meah Shearim, we passed a toy store that had stuffed singing Torahs in a bin outside. Daughter 2.5 saw them and announced "I want to hug it!" And she proceeded to squeeze it tight, with an angelic smile on her face, saying "I love the Torah!"

This alone is a moment that all parents would know is a heart melting, eye tearing one. But it got me thinking on two levels...

Firstly, on a simple level, one that is repeated ad nauseum by tourists, seminary girls, and aliyah propagandists alike, it is absolutely gorgeous that this is what is on our streets, what our children are raised to know and love, and what the cultural atmosphere in Israel is like.

But secondly, and more deeply, there is something we all tend to overlook sometimes, and that is that we live WITHIN the Torah's universe (literally - uni, one, verse, saying. Hu amar vayehi...). As adults, we debate about how to keep mitzvot, the "issues" of the day, we question and learn, debate and ignore...and forget. We forget that our worldview itself, the space of our minds, the way in which we process the world (as Creation!), is within Torah. My daughter doesnt know a word of Torah, and happily does not care, but she instinctively recognizes that Torah is who we are, is what we are defined by, and live within.

And Yisrael, as it grows up, does the same. Whether someone lives within the Daled Amos shel Halacha or not in the physical sense/actions, all of Yisrael does in their hearts and minds. They each know that Yom Kippur is the day HaShem lovingly begins again with Yisrael, with Creation, with an imperfect universe that has stumbled and meandered through almost 6000 years trying to find its way, and they each respond in the way they are able. For some, it is to sit back on that day and bask in the love HaShem gives us all, wanting to fix all they've broken in their lives and in the world; they may not know how to connect to this in an Avoda kind of way, nor even fully understand why they feel the mixture of dread and excitement in their hearts on this day, but Yisrael revels in the dichotomous and heart wrenching Existence of Man and begs and longs for the renewal and returning to, and of, the relationship between HaShem and His Lovers, and Love - Yisrael.

Breathe....(3am)

Sorry for the horrible music references, yet again :) [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rtJRlLdI8]

There is something poignant about the human subconscious' ability to worm its way into your consciousness at the most inopportune times and set your reptilian brain alight in fear and fright.

There is also something, on an elemental level, about aliyah that forces you to abandon caution (on some level - I am truly NOT advocating coming to Israel on a song and a prayer; coming with savings and a plan is a far better idea, and allows for many more songs and prayers with a roof over your head afterwards) and trust the destiny you claim as ancestral birthright, bought with a bowl of lentils and sealed with a mustard and cold cuts sandwich.

Those two things are a heady brew, one that can leave you sleepless in Jerusalem.

For how does one know that which he believes? In less pedantic and obscure terms, how does one reassure his doubts in his destiny, his self, his abilities to make something work and flourish when that very thing can be against normal odds, if not common sense?

Who in their right mind moves to another country when they dont speak the local language, nor have a job? Where the society runs on who you know, and you dont know anyone? Where your children will one day be strangers in your own land to you, speaking a different language, with incomparably different worries and dreams than you had at their age, to the point you may not understand them at all? Who leaves family, friends, and support networks behind for a dream?

And who knows if we'll make it.


I think many failed olim fail because they keep one foot in either world, looking at the lights at both ends of the tunnel...the words in the song are prophetic in that regard - trying to leave the way you came in will only have you make all your mistakes again, in reverse order, as you return to where you were.
This is a fantastic teshuva metaphor as well, by the way.
So here is to diving headfirst, to "absorption" (I think the Hebrew term is so hilariously accurate, in that Israeli blunt way), to making it to the other end of the tunnel. And to breathing...and maybe, even, perhaps, sleeping.

Rosh HaShana Musings

There is something that feels arbitrary about Rosh HaShana, as if it intrudes into our minds during the last days of summer.

Especially for me this year, as the momentous occasion of our aliyah has superseded a good portion of my consciousness of time this past year. Much effort and time has been spent on this move; it is not an exaggeration to say it has been a year long process. It isnt over yet, either.

But while the changing from one year to another may feel arbitrary in some aspects, in others it feels concrete, almost as if it imposes itself on daily life; the furtive cry of "Ura yisheinim mishinat'chem" in the shofar blasts its way past the hevlei hazman we get lost in, asserting a measure of reality over the pitiful self contained bubbles we tend to mistake as being real.

Here is to wishing for health, wealth, love, wisdom, knowledge, peace, and growth in all things, for all of Yisrael. And most of all, here is a fervent and heartfelt wish that we all know and renew our commitment to HaShem and the relationship we have with Him.

You saw my pain washed out in the rain
Broken glass, saw the blood run from my veins
But You saw no fault, no cracks in my heart
And You knelt beside my hope torn apart

But the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
We'll live a long life

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright

So lead me back, turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace
'Cause You know my call
And we'll share my all
And our children come and they will hear me roar

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold as long as You like
Just promise me we'll be alright

But hold me still, bury my heart on the coals
And hold me still, bury my heart next to Yours

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
'Cause oh that gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright


But the ghosts that we knew made us black and all blue
But we'll live a long life
And the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view
And we'll live a long life

("Ghosts that We Knew", Mumford and Sons)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXiq5ZO-rNE

Here is to leaving those ghosts behind, to being lead back from that place, to being able to throw them off a cliff come Yom Kippur; here is to that long life, which all of Yisrael continues to hold on to with all our might. May we all hear HaShem tell us "my child, my beautiful child, I Promise all will be alright."

Of course, preparing (however belatedly) for Rosh HaShana in a Place that is under the watchful and longing Gaze of HaShem [eretz asher tamid einei elokecha ba] is extremely different than elsewhere. It feels different, viscerally so; there is an undercurrent of renewal and of Love in the air that one can almost taste if they look for it. Living in the gaze of your Lover's Eyes is so different than a long distance relationship, after all. <Sorry for another Mumford and Sons reference here, but their music has a wonderful element of Teshuva in it. It is self aware, it is conscious, and it is reflective.> 

Well, love was kind for a time

Now just aches and it makes me blind

This mirror holds my eyes too bright

I can't see the others in my life

Were we too young? Our heads too strong?

To bear the weight of these lover's eyes.

'Cause I feel numb, beneath your tongue

Beneath the curse of these lover's eyes.

But do not ask the price I paid,

I must live with my quiet rage,

Tame the ghosts in my head,

That run wild and wish me dead.

Should you shake my ash to the wind

Lord, forget all of my sins

Oh, let me die where I lie

Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.

'Cause there's no drink or drug I've tried

To rid the curse of these lover's eyes

And I feel numb, beneath your tongue

Your strength just makes me feel less strong

But do not ask the price I paid,

I must live with my quiet rage,

Tame the ghosts in my head,

That run wild and wish me dead.

Should you shake my ash to the wind

Lord, forget all of my sins

Or let me die where I lie

Neath the curse of my lover's eyes.

And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow

Take my hand, help me on my way.

And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow

Take my hand, I'll be on my way.

And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow

Take my hand, help me on my way.

And I'll walk slow, I'll walk slow

Take my hand, I'll be on my way.

("Lover's Eyes", Mumford and Sons)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ2Ywbr6cJA

We do walk slow, it has been over two thousand years and we have not yet fully found our way. And there has been much pain in learning and discovering ourselves and our mission - the price paid has been steep! But we continue to walk, continue to follow in Avraham Avinu's footsteps; Yisrael is they who are "hit'halech lifanai v'heyei tamim". 

It is my dream that I, my family, our loved ones, and all of Klal Yisrael, have another year of walking, of learning, of discovering, of growing, of loving, and of Living.

Shana Tova from Jerusalem.