Blah blah blah...

I happen to be sick in bed with a bad stomach virus, but one of the great opportunities that affords you is time to think.

The more the novelty and scavenger hunt aspect (finding and submitting all our documents) of making this move wears off, and the more I begin to (meticulously) plan our first few weeks in Israel, the more daunting it becomes. Two kids, an apartment's worth of stuff to unpack, an apartment to rent, then clean, then move in to, all while juggling Israeli bureaucracy, seems positively Sisyphean. Did I mention finding employment and a gan for daughter #1 too? I can see why Israelis think olim are insane. And maybe why many potential olim don't make it. Even with the best intentions and willpower, the task is truly massive in scope, cost, and effort. It is draining to plan and more so to execute.

I guess Eretz Yisrael is not easy to attain.

(On the bright side, we did choose the July flight (with August as a backup) with NBN, so that uncertainty is settled. Whether we make it or not is another story - there's still documentation we lack!)

Dreams and Pragmatism, Part 2

So I received a phone call outta the blue from a large hospital chain, saying they want to interview me for possible social work positions.

This job would pay well, carries a lot of prestige, and would allow us to live well and have darling wife go to school for a degree.

Of course, nothing has been offered yet, but again, this has given me what to think about.

Either G-d or the Satan wants me to stay in the States - I don't know which :)

Dreams, Pragmatism, and Knowing When To Jump

I hitched a ride to work today with an old family friend who is an A- level executive in the agency I am currently working in. He knows me from when I was a kid.

Apparently his division in the agency is expanding into psychiatric housing (due to complicated new laws and regulations regarding psychiatric patient care in New York State), and asked if I would be interested in moving laterally to his more permanent division from my year long grant funded division. The work would not be my dream job, but it is certainly closer than what I do now; it would probably come with a pay raise (how much I do not know), and it would be challenging and somewhat rewarding work - very unlike what I do now.

Considering that I joined this agency with the idea that I can run the rat race and move along, taking the opportunity the agency offered me and making the most of it, this seems to be a blessing, an opportunity, and certainly looks like an advancement career wise.

But, obviously, it is based in New York.

It has been my dream to live in Israel, much as people dream of marriage with a lover. I think that it is love which is the ultimate motivator for aliyah - love of G-d, love of life, love of the land which holds the two.

I also have life experiences of falling in love and watching pragmatics blow the relationship up. (I thank G-d every day for His steering me to my darling wife, who not only is my true love, but is the perfect partner for me as well.) Just because one's heart is on fire, one's soul yearns, one's life is bound up in another's, does not mean it is to be, or that it is the right time. Life has a funny way of shaping the road you're on to travel where you both want to go and need to be. The balance between the two is exquisite, and it is painful. And such is life.

Of course, I do not have an ironclad offer just yet. My current boss is able to block the interagency poaching if they so choose. I am more musing on what may be than worrying of what is. But faced between love on one side, and practicalities on the other; between a full and rich directed choice driven, and also struggling life and a provided for, more settled, but emptier, linearly and outside-defined life, where do you go?

Yearning - Mirror Images

I feel odd posting this here, as I promised myself I wouldn't post political or philosophical treatises here. But since it touches on my Aliyah, I decided to take the plunge.

Again, on twitter, I got into a conversation with a Palestinian teen. Again we butted heads over who's land it is, war crimes, terror, and all the juicy stuff. There was no dialogue, as there was no real interest in hearing someone else's opinion - I believe that haShem gave us the Land, and she believes we are apartheid imperialist occupiers.

What was striking to me was reading her blog post about her yearning for her ancestral homeland. Replace "Palestine" with "Israel" and it could have been a Nefesh B'Nefesh piece.

We seem to sound the same, her and I. Both of us have an identity tied to a sliver of real estate in the Middle East, an overarching worldview that says our people hood is tied to being there, and a nearly insane determination to hold that land regardless of cost. No wonder the rest if the world thinks we are the same, and sides with the underdog figure.

But there is one difference (besides the whole haShem gave it to us bit): The view for the future. The jewish view of the future is one of ומלאה הארץ דעה את ה׳. OUR ALIYAH, THE ASCENT, IS PART OF A VIEW OF THE HAR HABAYIT HOUSING THE PRESENCE OF G-D HIMSELF FOR ALL THE WORLD. Otherwise, it's just real estate, claims on the past, and yes - we ARE no different than them. Democracy is democracy, religions are religions, and states are states. None of that matters. What matters is the dream for the Beit HaMikdash, the vision if the future, the embodiment of the Shechina that Yisrael is.

We are they who carry the mantle of the name Man - אתם קראים אדם. And we are tasked with creating the template, the example, the definition of what it means to be a human being. And the Place to do that IS the Place - המקום.

I believe, or rather I KNOW, that when Klal Yisrael asserts its mission, this non-entity of "peace in the Middle East" will disappear. The koach these people have is the mirror image of ours - and when we are Yisrael, and the Ohr shines throughout the whole world, all will see the stupidity, falsehoods, and the havdala bein Yisrael la'amim.

Galus America and Galut Yisrael

Many of the people I have spoken to about our impending move have asked me if I plan to say hallel on yom ha'atzmaut, to stop keeping tisha b'av, or any number of derisive questions that basically ask if I think the current Eretz Yisrael is akin to the Geulah or if it is still Galut.

I think that dreams go according to the interpreter. The giving of a Jewish autonomous country to us was a gift - what we decide it is makes all the difference.
To those who think israel is a place with a wicked government, that is what it is.
To those who think israel is a vacation heaven, that is what it is.
To those who think israel is the culmination of thousands if years of tefillot, nevu'ot, and yearning, that is what it is.
To those who do not think of israel at all, then that is what it is too.

To me, until we build the Home on the Har HaBayit, and its Resident checks in, it is still Galut. Exile and Redemption are not just based on Land, but on Relationship.
That being said, it is certainly less of a Galut to be in the Land Promised to us, to live in the Place (the same המקום we are ultimately comforted by) where we know the relationship between Man and G-d resides.

And if you want to live your life in a way that will build that Home, you ought to get involved there. (Unless you believe that the Home is going to fall out of the sky, in which case I have a fantastic investment bridge for you to buy).

A Thought

Imagine you could go back four generations - your grandfather's grandfather.

Imagine you were able to tell him that you were able to live in Israel - and that there WAS an Israel. What do you think he would say?

Four generations ago, people prayed thrice daily to be able to kiss the dirt of the Land. They did not care about government or finances, because they had neither. They did have an instinctive understanding that their home was there, their place was there, and that was all that mattered. The stories of the Vilna Gaon, the Baal Shem Tov, Rebbe Nachman from Breslov, the Ohr HaChaim...and countless others, all tried valiantly to settle in Eretz Yisrael (some with success, and some not).

I don't want to touch on politics (secular or religious). I just want to draw attention to the fact that we have an historic opportunity to do so something that millions of our ancestors wanted desperately to do. And that I am beyond excited to do it.

Almost There...

It is really difficult to juggle full time jobs while prepping for aliyah.

We are almost done the paperwork part of our journey - all we have left is baby daughter's passport, our marriage certificate, darling wife's Israeli passport, and getting an apostille on darling wife's name change document. And, of course, solving the tangled mess of getting an apostille on darling wife's French birth certificate.

Getting legally married requires two days - one to apply and get a license, and another to have a ceremony and obtain the actual marriage certificate. Getting baby's passport requires one day (and both parents have to be present, along with child). We are almost positive that we can get the apostille on the name change document by mail (working in it, hope to have it sent out next week). And hopefully, we may have solved the impossible task of getting the apostille on the birth certificate (a lovely cousin may be able to go to the offices in France and obtain it for us).

There is also the meeting with the Jewish Agency, which will be another day off from work for both of us, and darling wife needs to go to the Israeli consulate for her Israeli passport (at least one more day off from work for her, and probably more, knowing how their bureaucracy works).

So we will need to take at least 4 days off from work each (and an additional 2 or 3 dor. Darling wife) to get all of this done. This is made doubly hard by having a two year old finish playgroup at 2pm every day, and not having any days off from work till Pesach to do any of this (meaning we will risk getting in trouble from our employers for doing it). Losing our current paychecks will absolutely threaten our aliyah plans (although, I suppose, we can just move earlier in that case).

Of course, we still have to pack (a Herculean task in its own right, besides the children complicating it), get a lift quote, pay the application and ticket fees to NBN, and get a flight.

Still, it is better to revel in the small progress we have made! We're getting there, slowly...

We Are Our Own Worst Enemy

I have gotten very active on Twitter, usually with a pro-Israel message and retort. In doing so, I have met a few interesting people, and had many enlightening conversations, that have taught me a lot about the world, and myself.

The beginning of any Aliyah dream is ownership. Ownership of your life, of your "destiny" (the Lech Lecha), and of the Land that G-d has Given to us. If you don't have those three beliefs, you won't take the plunge and pack off to the world's most insane beach property.

That self-assured attitude of "this is MY Land, no ifs ands or buts about it" can get alot of people in the world to attack you - how can you mistreat and abuse the Palestinians, you're murderers and thieves (a double whammy of "kol haposel b'mumo, b'atzmo hu posel" as well as the first Rashi in Bereishis), you should go back to Europe, or the US, etc.

I engage in lightly insulting banter with these people on Twitter, mostly for my own amusement than any hope of changing their warped perspectives.

There is one person I was vehemently and vociferously arguing with, including the obligatory name calling and personal insults that are par for the course in Internet-based communications. On a whim, I asked her why she is so interested and invested in the Middle East (she lives in Europe).

She tells me, it's because her daughter is an Arab, and she is born of Jewish blood.

This was shocking.

It turns out her mom abandoned her at birth, and she was raised in an agnostic home. Any armchair psychologist can figure this one out - marry an Arab, oppose "Zionism"...

We just may be our own worst enemies.

"...but I want to go to Israel!"

We have been slowly breaking the news to our two year old that soon we are going to Israel. (It worked so well when her sister was born. Slow and steady gives them a chance to get use to the impending changes.)

This morning, she threw a fit before going to school that she wanted to to to Israel (now). It was cute, and it was annoying (had to get to work!), and it was thought provoking.

To haShem, we are children. And what is to us an intellectually motivated decision, that has been researched and planned, to Him is just an emotional outburst.

And I couldn't help but stick in a quick tefilla that His heart strings be tugged the same way mine were when it was my child who cried.

New Realities

After such a rousing success at "defending" our aliyah decision, I got into a "conversation" with a friend of mine about the realities on the ground in both countries.

A new study (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/nearly-half-american-families-live-173320316.html) shows that half the households in the United States are savingsless. Meaning, they live month to month. And that is including their debt servicing, which only rises. The cost of living increases every month, and the earning power of the common man erodes between unemployment, stagnation, and inflation. All of which are rising fast. And now healthcare is skyrocketing. And rentals are flying out of control, too.

The outlook for a good life isn't getting any better, either. As the country spirals into a vortex of partisan politics based on platitudes that do not reflect the reality of the national situation, overspending, and more "us and them" class warfare, the chances of making do continue to decrease. I am employed full time, and my wife is employed part time, and our bills definitely outweigh our income. Forget savings, forget luxuries, forget all of that. Simple living. Staying above water. Not happening.

Then there is the growing problem of education (which touches on the economic as well, as tuition costs are beyond what we can afford, for sure). The schools in the US are increasingly polemic, with every school trying to be "elite" and moving the boundaries of "normal" and "acceptable" further and further. In both directions - "right" or "left". The community at large sticks its head in the sand about any major issue that threatens it, be it molestation, teens at risk, money woes, or you name it.

"But they're the same way in Israel!" you exclaim. True. But, there's one benefit to living there - reality asserts itself in Israel. The peace process? Dead. Charedim shall never work, or go to school? Dead. Look at Kiryat Ono or any other program. People are moving to the right or left? There is a burgeoning "dati leumi" community content to be pragmatic and balanced. As things develop, HKB"H makes it balance out. In the US, He does not intervene - He doesn't need to.

That alone is worth the move.

יגער ה׳ בך השטן

So over the weekend, I discovered that darling wife needs a TON of (ludicrously expensive) dental work, and her license was suspended in New York, and between the two the little "extra" money we saved (on top of our aliyah savings, we had budgeted extra money for incidentals and luxuries) is gone. And of course, the money means nothing when it is darling wife's health in question.

This is all after the fun we had a month ago, when DW woke up one morning, randomly, with what turned out to be a swollen patella tendon and spent three weeks barely able to walk. And our lil baby girl choked and wound up in the hospital overnight, though Baruch HaShem she is okay.

I mentioned to darling wife that I think this is the Satan doing his best to interfere with our aliyah. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction - the more Kedusha in something, the more tuma'ah there is standing against it, trying to negate it. (This is the meaning to what קהלת said, זה לעומת זה עשה אלקים. One is always opposite the other.) In our case, it is the decision to go to Eretz Yisrael, to embark on our Lech Lecha, to be a part of the unfolding and the flowering of גאולה. We want to rise up, to ASCEND, and the Satan is acting as a counterweight, trying to pull us down and get us bogged down in the daily morass of little problems - so our minds cannot have time to contemplate our Aliyah La'Aretz.

And so I quote the נביא זכריה.
ויאמר ה׳ אל השטן יגער ה׳ בך השטן ויגער ה׳ בך הבחר ירושלים הלוא זה אוד מוצל מאש.
It is precisely the G-d that chooses Yerushalayim that denounces the Satan and stands to protect those who choose the same "Yerushalayim" that He does.

May the road get easier and straighter from here. Amen.

Update, February 3

It is extremely frustrating, for me, to have our aliyah process drawn out so much, and so badly, because of the paperwork needed and the apostille thing. Darling wife is stressing about having to deal with the New Jersey courts, the New York courts, and the French and Israeli consulates to get her paperwork done. So am I, and starting to worry about getting everything in on time for the flight we want to take. It makes the process so much more daunting for everyone. And it's barely begun.

On the bright side, our NBN employment meeting is coming up, and I've been slowly making a few contacts in Israel already. And paperwork wise, all that is left is legal marriage, baby's birth certificate, and darling wife's stuff. And the passport photos we will need. One step back, two steps forward, and concentrate on winning the race.

We can do it :)